Birthday Girl

Last night I had one of the oddest dreams I ever had in my life…

I was over a friend’s house for his birthday — let’s call him Jeremy even though he didn’t have a name in my dream. Actually it was the house of Jeremy’s Mom as he was unemployed and back living at his parents’ house. When I showed up, I was surprised to see that Jeremy had a new girlfriend who I had never seen before. He introduced her as Sara and said she was new to the area and was foreign. Sara was an odd girl, didn’t say much and what she said wasn’t in English. Mostly Sara talked fast in some langauge I couldn’t place and she kept jumping on him and smooching him.

Out of the blue, the odd Sara girl jumped on Jeremy when he wasn’t prepared for it and they both toppled over, dropped Sara hard on the kitchen table. When Sara hit the table she smushed into it like a heavy wet sponge! I stood transfixed unable to react confused as physics of her impact didn’t quite fit. She laid there not moving and her body was more distorted than injured like her limbs and torso had lost some of it’s shape.

As I stared at the misshapen form of Sara, I suddenly had a flash of vision of bright pink frosting. I blinked my eyes and shook my head but the pink frosting vision hung faintly like an afterimage on my vision. I swear I could even smell the sickeningly sweet smell of the frosting.

Jeremy sat down with a thud and looked over at his mom with a distraught look like he was sorry. The room was quiet and no one had yet said a word. Suddenly, Sara jerked up from the table in queasy motion with her spine and limbs bent all wrong. At first, I thought her bones were broken but then I realized with horror that she flowed more than bent as if she didn’t have any bones at all!

Sara looked up at Jeremy with a look of joy, seemingly ignorant to all that had happened, and then leaned to kiss him. He didn’t move. In fact, Jeremy stood stock still with a mixture of confusion and horror on his face. Right before Sara touched his lips, her head jerked and her jaw flung open as streams of vomit came pouring out — huge wet chunks of what looked like birthday cake with pink frosting and milk shot out of her mouth all over Jeremy’s face and chest.

Everyone shreiked and scrambled back quickly except for Jeremy. He just sat slackjawed and kept glancing at Sara and then at his mother. His mother in turn looked on in horror saying over and over “I don’t know! I don’t know!” Sara grabbed the carton of milk on the table, took a huge swig, and immediately vomited again over Jeremy, the table, and the floor with more cake and pink frosting coming up.

It was then I realised that no one had eaten any cake I definitely I hadn’t seen her eat anything, nor was there any birthday cake in sight! Nevertheless, Sara kept vomiting up cake. As torrents of cake vomit purge out, her body would shudder violently and she seemed deflate, like she was a balloon with the air getting let out.

The inhuman nature of it all finally struck me and I instinctually backed away in horror. Then I heard above the shrieks of the other attendees and the wet slop of the vomit pouring out of the thing that was Sara a curious chanting — Jeremy’s mother was chanting something in what I assumed was Latin. She had an old book in her hands that she was frantically flipping pages looking for something in it’s dusty bindings. The book looked old, if not ancient, and had what looked like recipes in it, like an antediluvian cookbook.

At that moment, Sara, his ‘girlfriend’, stopped vomiting and got up from the table with a terrifyingly disjointed motion. She, or it, looked visibly thinner now but not evenly so — one of her arms was thinner than other, her torso was lopsided, as was her face in this horribly misshapen manner. Sara looked around the room. Her neck moved like a snake or a worm. She had lost that doe-like seductive joy. Instead her eyes gleaming with a combination of desire and hunger and her lips spread apart wider than humanly possible with a ravenous grin as drops of sugary vomit dripped from her chin.

Jeremy’s mother said “Aha!” as she pointed to what I can assume is the page she was looking for in her antediluvian cookbook and then began chanting louder. My prior visions of pink frosting came rushing back and I suddenly knew what this thing, Sara, was. Everything snapped into place in my head. I didn’t know how I knew but I did. I saw Sara, his ‘girlfriend’, for what she really was, a birthday cake golem! His mother had obviously magically animated to this creature life as a twisted ‘present’ for Jeremy!

I turned and ran just as Sara the ‘birthday cake girl’ launched herself at my friend Jeremy, her supposed ‘boyfriend’. Her mouth hinged open like a snake like she was about to swallow his head whole! The birthday cake golem had lost most its animating life force and obviously needed more. Driven by this hunger it went for the closest ‘food’ it could find. I ran as screams echoed from the house.